Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sometimes our efforts seem futile. We work and strive and push and work and push....etc. We do the best we can, giving it our best efforts and we expend all this energy in the hope of results. We are working towards a goal and we spend all our energy in the belief that it will pay off in the way we want it to. BUT, it doesn't!

What do you do then? You cry, you scream, you drink, you sleep, whatever you do to deal with your anger, pain and frustration. Then you dust yourself off and you do it all over again. Why? Because you believe that the results you want will come from doing what you are doing, just not as soon as you thought they would. And then you follow this "logical" routine until you have no more energy or resources to spend, ....... and you have no results.

What am I describing?

At this stage of my blog (new, meaning no one is reading it) I am talking to myself and asking myself questions. But, if anyone by any chance does read this, think about the answer.

To answer myself, I am describing my art career, and yet if I read it objectively, I am describing gambling. So, I have to come to terms with the fact that I have been gambling with my life. OUCH!!!!

But what else am I supposed to do? I am at a loss. I have this insatiable desire to create. More than that, I have this "faith" (and I am not a person of faith) that I was born to do this and must pursue it at all costs. But the cost, in dollars, is prohibitive, and yet I can't stop.

So, I am a gambler and an addict. How does that feel? AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Any artists out there going through the same thing?

BTW. The above painting is 24" x 48" oil on canvas. It took about five days to paint and 40 plus years of preparation, practice and training. I could not have painted it a year ago. And it is for sale for $3,000. What would you charge for something that took 40 plus years of training to achieve?


Laura said...

Carol, my friend to the end...ah I feel your pain. In art as in life we try to follow our talents no matter what the talent be. You are one of the most gifted artists as well as having a gifted heart...and are doing what you were born to do. My brother is getting a few breaks as an artist at 68 years old. It is a tough road and let's hope there are more green lights to help you down your path. Love you lots.

Elizabeth said...

Barbara Schicitano referred me to you and your website. You have created a beautiful sensitive sight that shares the true essence of being a creator. The work we do as artists comes from within and we constantly struggle with staying true to that spirit versus being driven by externals. The struggle is part of our work and is what gives us the sensitivities to create work that moves the spirit. I hope some day to be able to meet you in person and have a meaningful dialogue. You can learn a little about me and my work at

Anything about Carol McArdle's art, paintings, photography and murals. Thoughts about art, my career and anything else that affects my life and thoughts as an artist.